Mental Clutter

I am currently very annoyed at myself. I get really good ideas for blogs at very inconvenient times and/or places, give myself firm mental notes to remember these thoughts for later…. and then forget them. I suppose today I could blame Daylight Savings Time and the loss of an hour of sleep, but I think we both know that’s not a valid and complete explanation. Oh well, here goes nothing.

I love going through the season of Lent. It always challenges me spiritually and there is usually some pretty good growth going on. Like last week, I was reading about the blind man whom Jesus healed by placing mud on his eyes and telling him to go to a specific body of water and wash it off. What stupid advice! But it worked. It made me wonder what advice God has been giving me over the course of my life that I cast aside and deemed ridiculous, when it could have done for me exactly what I needed at that time, or more than I could have ever hoped for. And this morning, reading John’s Gospel account of the raising of Lazarus. And Jesus weeping at the tomb. Very man and very God. Feeling so many emotions in spite of knowing fully what was to come. Why would He weep at the tomb of a man He had come to raise? How deeply entrenched was Jesus in both His humanity and His Godhood at that precise moment. The ultimate dichotomy. Both tension and balance.

I have also misplaced my Lenten meditations booklet, which is the main reason why I haven’t posted any meditations lately. Though it’s true enough that the majority of my meditations of late have focused on Love and all of its forms. I think this Lenten season I have felt closer to God than I have in a very long time. There’s still a bit of a struggle going on (this usually happens to me during Lent), but thankfully it’s not nearly as angst-ridden or frustrating or depressing as in years past. I couldn’t possibly be more grateful.

In just a few more days I will get to “watch one hour” with my Lord. Our church is one of the few left in our diocese that keeps an ongoing vigil with the Sacrament from Holy Thursday through Good Friday. I look forward to that vigil every year, as I always sign up to watch during some late night hour or small hour of morning. It’s a time of such quiet peacefulness when I truly feel I can be very openly alone with God. To thank Him for everything He does for me and gives to me. To be humble in seeking out His plans for me. To be filled with peacefulness and gratitude. It just can’t come quickly enough.