Update

Well, I have managed to live through another week. Hooray!

The threat at the high school this week had given a specific day: Friday. Today (or rather, yesterday, though I’m still up). I’d have to say at least 50% of the student population stayed home today. I almost called in myself. But, I had faith–okay, and a queasy stomach, but oh well–that everything would be fine. And it was, thank God. Nothing happened, no one got hurt. I hope they catch whoever made that threat though. That still makes me uneasy.

I spent a lot of time this week thinking about the idea of living each day as if it were your last. Oh sure, I still got upset with my kids when they misbehaved. I still grumbled about the dishes and the laundry and the garbage and the bills. But every so often I was able to pull back a little and recognize little irreplaceable moments in my life, gifts of grace, and sources of thankfulness. I looked at my husband and kids a little more closely when we parted in the mornings. I immersed myself more deeply in the music I listen to every day. And I tried my best to be a source of strength for my students, who are understandably sick and tired of the restrictions which have been placed on their lives. I still felt fear sometimes, though it didn’t last as long as it could have. I just have to believe I didn’t get placed in these kids’ lives at this point in my life, just to have it all end suddenly and violently. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am on the right path, the path I should have been following a long time ago. I have to believe that now I will be given enough time to actually do what I am supposed to do with my life.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. I believe that we are all called to be Christ for each other. I believe that in reaching out to others in their time of need, that love is given back to us when we need it. We cannot always obsess about our own problems, our own needs–God doesn’t want us to live like that. He wants us all to lean on each other, and to be support for one another in His stead. In doing that, it reaffirms the fact that we don’t have to go through life alone. It’s like a spiritual collective of sorts: we give hope and love when we can, and receive it back when we need it. Maybe that was the whole point of the danger and craziness at work this week. If so, then at least a little something good has come out of it all.

Here’s a bit of my theory put into action: earlier this week I was really very scared about this incident at the school. I shared my fears with a friend of mine; he assured me in his own way that everything would be fine. Neither of us had any way of knowing that for certain, but he had the faith that I lacked. That same friend was hurting tonight; it was his turn to feel fear and sadness and who knows what else. I just hope that when we talked tonight, I came close to returning that gift of faith that he gave to me just a few days ago.